As 2018 is approaching fast, here is a little bit of statistics from my 2017.
Rocktoriins in Tallinn attended – 14
Rocktoriins in Tartu attended – 12 (according to FB. Should be more…but nobody knew that I came…)
Books read – 8
Plane flights taken – 6 (to Germany, Italy & Belgium)
Nights spent in ho(s)tels – 10
Music festivals attended – 1 (o_o embarrassing…)
Parking tickets gotten – 2
Different jobs had – 3
Motivational letters written – 14
Skype interviews done – 4 (2 successfully)
Job interviews done – 6 (4 successfully)
Impulsive roadtrips taken ~ 5
Volunteer workcamps participated in – 3 (+ volunteering at my local yacht club)
Panic attacks had ~ 5 (way less than last year!)
Times fallen in love – 1 (but one of the worst cases yet…)
And a Q&A to reflect on what seems to be the longest year of my life.
What did you accomplish this year that you are most proud of?
I managed to get my horrible mental health under some control. Last year…I was not doing well, but I turned my entire life upside down and started living for the sake of living. I gained an entirely new attitude and even though I am now starting a 9-17 office job (something I’ve always dreaded), I am still this adventurous, spontaneous person that wants to live freely, love deeply and will do so on every opportunity. I have goals, plans, and dreams for a distant future and no matter how many times I come crashing down, I know that it will eventually get better. Just like last year, I feel like I’ve gotten about five years older in one year.
What was your biggest life lesson this year and what did you learn?
Hm. This is difficult. Maybe the fact that everything is accomplishable with enough willpower? Of course, this applies to the things that are directly connected to you. If you don’t like something – change it! If you are unhappy – find something that will make you happy! Even if it’s the smallest of things. Your life is YOURS. Every moment is there for only that one moment, so make the most of it and don’t you fucking dare overthink it. If you do something bad – don’t beat yourself up about it, learn, forgive and move on. Time is ruthless and will not stop, so focus on the positive.
What theme kept recurring for you this year?
Impulsive decisions, rock quizzes, parties, changing jobs, meeting new people and letting the heart guide the hand. I actually think there is nothing wrong with letting your heart make half of the decisions, being vulnerable and getting hurt every now and then. It just means you’re living. So, uh…a spontaneous/impulsive theme.
What is your biggest disappointment or regret this year?
I sort of regret not going to England to take part in the EVS I was chosen for. But it’s too early to say whether it was the right thing to do or not. I still need to get more into my new job, learn to live in Tallinn and enjoy it.
How did you manage your stress levels this year?
The beginning of this year was difficult, but March and April were fantastic. I crashed once in Italy but then learned to somewhat control my emotions and came out stronger than ever. Summer was rather lovely actually…more or less. Autumn was alright, focusing on getting a job, moving cities and restarting my life (ayo motivation!). Also managed to convince myself to finally make an appointment with a psychologist (who appointed me to a psychiatrist, but that’s a whole different story). And December has been a bit difficult but I’m trying super hard to fight and control my own brain (which is exhausting).
What held you back this past year?
I think…my own stupid heart fighting with my own stupid brain and feeling spaced out half of the time.
What do you wish you had done less of this past year?
Honestly? I wish I had drunk less alcohol and wasted less time on crying over things I cannot change. I need to learn to suppress some of my emotions and accept the fact that not everything in life is meant to go the way I wish it would. I need to learn to shut my brain off partially, care less, and give my everything to things that I CAN change.
What do you wish you had done more of this past year?
I wish I had spent more time with my sister and my friends. I really miss them and I try to visit Tartu as many times as I can but I still feel a bit distant and lonely. As it is practically impossible to find people as awesome as the people I am lucky enough to know, I’m a bit scared of losing them.
How did you spend your weekends this past year?
Mostly working. Apparently bars and museums don’t like being closed during weekends. Who would have thought?
What were the best books you read this year?
Best by far was Dodie Clark – Secrets For The Mad. Unbelievably raw, strong and relatable, finished it in two days and passed it along to my sister. I also liked 1984 by George Orwell and The Dirt by Neil Strauss. Right now I’m reading Turtles All The Way Down by John Green and so far it’s as good as the rest of his books.
Create a phrase or statement that describes this past year for you.
“Life is an adventure”.