V.E.D.I.F.

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If you know what this means – props to you, my friend. Most do not.
I’ve enjoyed watching YouTube for around…8-9 years now. Obviously, I was not the most social teenager, but I found comfort in watching strangers sharing their lives with the Internet (and with other kids that didn’t have the guts to go out and make real friends)…which sort of means that I was a creep? I enjoyed the fact that these people were able to turn on the camera and share a story or just make an effort to try and make you laugh. Nowadays, YouTube is a full-time work for so many people. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, but I feel like for many content makers the roughness has left their creation and their videos feel scripted and very commercial…almost cringy even. Thus I’ve abandoned some and started watching others, but I do still often make my way to YouTube instead of watching a TV show.
I have to bring out one channel that has had a particularly big impact on me, and that’s VlogBrothers. It consists of John and Hank Green, who as brothers started making videos 11 years ago instead of writing emails to keep in touch with each other. They managed to form an audience and the people formed a community called Nerdfighteria. Next to VlogBrothers, they have started many side channels, my favorite of which are CrashCourse and SciShow – proving that YouTube can be both entertaining and educational (for example: Why Don’t Humans Have Penis Bones?). In 2010 they also started hosting video conferences called VidCon (which I hope to one day take part in) in order to bring together viewers, creators and industry representatives from all over the world.
So here we go – as a tribute to the community of YouTube, I’ve decided to do VEDIF – Video Every Day In February. Meaning that I’ll TRY to be posting every day of the month and the videos will mostly be filmed in February but not necessarily on the same day because I want to put a little more effort into some of them (vlogs and such) and I am aware of the amount of time it takes to edit a decent video. I am usually not a very serious-business person, so some of them will be really bad, short, and silly. I’ve also decided that they should be unlisted, not public, and I will post them on the blog’s little video snippet on the right sidebar. So if you stumble on the blog, you see the video of the day, if not…you won’t miss anything important.
Also, if you wish to do one video together, please let me know and we can try to make it happen. There is nothing more fun than collaborating with friends and later looking back on it. 🙂 Only my sister has no say in this. She HAS TO do one with me. That’s right. No escape.
DFTBA.
Edit: I was trying to take a featured image for this post and one shot ended up extremely overexposed & overenthusiastic, almost saying “I would be taking selfies if only I knew how to use this camera”:
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10 beliefs I stand by

Of course, there are times when I go against my own beliefs, but I really try to stick to them and often have to remind myself of what is important.
Negativity is not worth your energy. You only have one life to live, so make the most of it. There is literally no point in wasting your time on negative things. Whether it be whining about being tired or lazy or just bad weather – let it go. If someone is getting on your nerves – get some distance. If you do not like what your life is – change it! I too am sometimes guilty of letting negativity cloud my thoughts, but as soon as I realize I’m doing it again, I try to stop and either think about other (more positive) things or simply change things around if possible.
Say YES to everything that does not collide with your morality and/or your personality. I have a problem with the sentence “Say YES to eeeverything.”. Does it also mean going along with things I do not like or what I discourage? Why would I want to do that? Just no. I think it is important to stay true to yourself, but of course, push out of your comfort zone whenever you are presented with an opportunity to experience something amazing or possibly fun! Just remember it is smart to always begin with asking “What could the worst outcome be?”. Be prepared. Be bold. Life is for the living.
Beauty lies in details. I always have to look things more closely to see if they are what they appear to be. The general sight might be a-okay, but if the details are not on point, it shows the lack of time, energy, and commitment. This also goes for people. If I take the time to get to know someone, I always fall for the little things that make someone special and different. It’s what I will remember about them once our ways have parted.
What goes around comes around. Karma. If you are nice to me, I am nice to you. If I want you to be nice to me, I will be nice to you. If something goes wrong, I always think whether it was induced by me or simply by unfortunate circumstances.
Think before you speak. Think, but not overthink! Is what you’re going to say kind? True? Necessary?
Surround yourself with what/who makes you happy. Easy said, not so easy done. I always find it hard to let go of people even when I know they are not having a good impact on me. I search for excuses and little good things in them, but at the end of the day, if they make me feel crappy or make me go against some of the points listed here, then sorry, but I will not be around for too long.
Be kind. This is something my former colleague said and it really stuck with me. It is so important to be kind to people, yet we forget about it too often. Why be mean?
Criticism is the most powerful tool for growing as a person. Whenever someone criticizes me, I TRY to take it constructively. They must have seen something and felt the need to express themselves, hence there must be a grain of truth and something to consider changing. Of course, there are exceptions for the people you should listen to and there is a difference between being rude and being genuine.
Less speak, more DO! This goes mostly for little everyday things, but also for uncertain distant plans. It also goes hand in hand with point number 5 – would the person you are talking to actually benefit from the information you are providing? Is it worth their time and yours? Did they ask about it? If you actually did the thing you are telling people you are going to do, you would save so much time.
Never compare yourself to anyone but your own past self. This is something I struggle with a lot. I compare myself to my past self every day……aaaand I compare myself to everyone around me every day. Constant race.
Here I wish to look at whoever (if anyone) is reading this – do you agree with any of them or disagree with some? What are other important beliefs one should live by?

Sleep paralysis & exploding head syndrome

I have never had a great relationship with sleep. It would take me at least half an hour (in some cases many hours) just to fall asleep when I was a kid. To this day I am unable to take naps during daytime and I have somehow gotten used to sleeping around six hours per night. But let us dive right into sleeping disorders, shall we? I have been having some trouble with exploding head syndrome and sleep paralysis. I only recently found out about the first one being a disorder. You see, I googled it. Always google your symptoms. Always.
Exploding head syndrome
Exploding head syndrome is a parasomnia. A parasomnia involves undesired events that come along with sleep. Exploding head consists of a loud noise that you suddenly imagine just before you fall asleep. It can seem like a violent explosion has gone off in your head. (Source)
In my case, I have experienced hearing people (usually my mother) talking in the other end of the house. I have heard my mom screaming because of anger. I have heard her calling out for our cat (that had been missing for weeks). I have also heard other people’s screams, footsteps, threats and very loud whistling or explosion-like sounds. They are generally unpleasant sounds that wake me up feeling anxious and very scared. I always try to get out of bed when I hear something because it feels very realistic, but that is when sleep paralysis, the sneaky little devil, comes in.
 Sleep Paralysis
It is something that I have heard many people have tried triggering. My only question is…WHY?! It is a horrifying experience.
Recurrent isolated sleep paralysis is a parasomnia. A parasomnia involves undesired events that come along with sleep. Sleep paralysis causes you to be unable to move your body at either of the two following times:
When falling asleep (hypnagogic or predormital form)
When waking up from sleep (hypnopompic or postdormital form)
Some people also hallucinate during an episode. They may see, hear or feel things that are not there. They may even think that another person is in the room with them. (Source)
My experience is usually rather classical – waking up, not being able to move, being very aware of my surroundings, lying on my back, hearing someone enter the room, feeling their presence and trying with all my strength to push the blanket off, but failing. The last time it happened was a bit different though. It started with screams in the other room, specifically, someone threatening to cut my legs off (ayy, exploding head, sup?). I was lying on my side with my back to the door. I then heard footsteps and someone entering my room and realized I could not move. I thought to myself that there is no point in struggling and just surrendered to the moment, closed my eyes as tight as I could and waited. About a minute passed without anyone attacking me (because I was hallucinating, duh) and finally I was able to move again. The entire house was quiet and everyone was asleep. I stayed up for another hour because I am a huge whimp. 🙂
I have noticed that these events only occur when I am at home, in my own bed. My father suggested me to change things up in my room, but I disagreed and started camping in our backyard. It has been a week now. No hallucinations, just straight up darkness, forest and wild animals. Been attacked twice now. Okay-okay, of course I rearranged all of the furniture in my room and now the door is a bit further from my bed and hopefully, I will get a bit more peace at nights.
Oh! And another thing I do quite often is twitch right before falling asleep, making me wide awake again. I am not sure if this is classified as a disease or not. People next to me have found it amusing, but it is not so comfortable to experience I must say.
I finished writing this around 2am last night, decided to read it through in the morning and then post it…and then came sleep paralysis. I am not sure if thinking about it before sleeping triggered it, but I was hearing voices and instantly realized “Shit. Cannot move.”. But it was not scary at all this time. I started thinking about everything I had read before going to bed and remembered that some people can break through by making an effort to move, so I put all my strength into it, the pressure in my ears was horrible (felt like being deep underwater) and then it was over. I got up, walked around the house, crawled back into bed and slept peacefully until the morning.
Cheerio!